after reading books like Tpobaw, tfios, and looking for alaska

i really, really want to read.

works of fiction, of literature, poems, short stories, anecdotes, biographies, anything intellectual. like the characters of the books, who can cite last words or quote passages or speak in latin phrases about things like woes of humanity, and draw venn diagrams of whatnots or  remember significant figures who did or said something and compare it analogically with whatever

it really does make me want to be like those people. like Alaska, passionate feminist and intellect, who wants to read all the books in the world and drinks booze and smokes the hell out of cigs and screws everyone and yet wants to teach autistic kids, because talking about the future in the present does not bring you closer. like Charlie, who listens and understands, reads and write paper reports about the reading and reads more. LIKE EVERYONE in those kind of damn books who just don't seem realistic but suddenly i realize that there ARE people like that with their own passion and aggression for the world and its beautiful flaws and i am even lucky enough to have met at least one (even fallen in love with her haha) and while their fight is their own and the sad part is we could never truly be part of that, the good news is that we could be like that for ourselves, yea?


not that i'm dying to be significant. (on the contrary; i wouldn't want ppl to know this)  not that i feel like i should prove anything to anyone, or to myself. just that, i do feel i'm missing out on so much if i don't